We all have states of being that we see as part of our identity. Some of us see ourselves as “needing to be in control” or as “flexible and easy going.” Many of us formed these self images at earlier times in our lives when they served good purposes.
The question I would like to encourage you to ask yourself today is, “How is this working for me…today?”
In the past, feeling “in control” may have been the only way to ensure that things got done. It offered feelings of security and calm. It was a friend to you.
Now, however, in the middle of a life highly interdependent with many others–spouse, children, friends, colleagues–being in control feels like an illusive quest that is only keeping you from those you love…never offering that feeling of rest it once did. It is not only ineffective, but it is isolating. It is just not working anymore.
In the past, being flexible and easy going may have helped you to win the approval of someone who meant a great deal to you. They could make the decisions, and you would go along with them. As long as you did what they wanted and never shared a different desire, you would get along just fine.
Now, however, life is more complex, and there seem to be people on all sides wanting all sorts of things from you. You want to be flexible and easy going. It is selfish not to be, right? However, you know if you continue down this path unchecked, you are going to drown underneath the pressure. And, even if you give your best efforts, someone will still be let down. There are simply too many real-life demands on your time. It is just not working anymore.
When we #taketimetothinktime, we ask ourselves to think about our thinking. We ask ourselves in a non-judgmental way, “What is working?” and “What isn’t?” We just notice what we notice.
We no longer assume that who we have been up to this point is the same as who we want to be for the future.
For those of us who have been “control freaks” in the past…we now feel the freedom to let some things slide so that we don’t miss out on what we really care about. In our new, adult, complex life, it matters less to us that we are “in control” and more to us that we are responsible stewards of our decisions. We want to live a life that counts toward things that really matter–not just checking boxes for a feeling of being in control.
For those of us that have been “flexible, ever-present, with nothing to do so I can be available for you” types, we reflect on the reality that without developing a core of our own priorities–of what really matters to us–our lives will come and go without leaving a mark. We will look back on our lives with regret–having spent our lives living everyone else’s lives instead of our own. We know that we were created to live our lives, not theirs.
So, how is it working for you? This life and the way you are living it? Did you identify with being either too controlling or too flexible? Or both? Did you identify with any of these feelings?
How are they working for you? Do you think making some changes would be beneficial?
Do you feel that it is necessary to change how you do things or how you view yourself to make headway toward what you really want?
Please comment below!
Christine M. Wilson, LPC
Co-Founder of Think Time
We have a serious problem. We are wasting valuable time. We have developed an innovative system that helps you clarify your vision and move it into your life, so you live your life focused on what matters most.
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“How is that working for me? Today.”
“Now, being in control is not only ineffective, but it is isolating. It is just not working anymore.”
Being flexible and easy going is just not working anymore.
When we #taketimetothinktime, we ask ourselves to think about our thinking.
What is working? What isn’t?
Don’t judge your thoughts. Notice them.