How’s it working for me?

We all have states of being that we see as part of our identity.  Some of us see ourselves as “needing to be in control” or as “flexible and easy going.”  Many of us formed these self images at earlier times in our lives when they served good purposes.

The question I would like to encourage you to ask yourself today is, “How is this working for me…today?”

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In the past, feeling “in control” may have been the only way to ensure that things got done.  It offered feelings of security and calm.  It was a friend to you.

Now, however, in the middle of a life highly interdependent with many others–spouse, children, friends, colleagues–being in control feels like an illusive quest that is only keeping you from those you love…never offering that feeling of rest it once did.  It is not only ineffective, but it is isolating.  It is just not working anymore.Laid back businessman in his office. Focus on shoes

In the past, being flexible and easy going may have helped you to win the approval of someone who meant a great deal to you.  They could make the decisions, and you would go along with them.  As long as you did what they wanted and never shared a different desire, you would get along just fine.

Now, however, life is more complex, and there seem to be people on all sides wanting all sorts of things from you.  You want to be flexible and easy going.  It is selfish not to be, right?  However, you know if you continue down this path unchecked, you are going to drown underneath the pressure.  And, even if you give your best efforts, someone will still be let down.  There are simply too many real-life demands on your time.  It is just not working anymore.

When we #taketimetothinktime, we ask ourselves to think about our thinking.  We ask ourselves in a non-judgmental way, “What is working?” and “What isn’t?”  We just notice what we notice.

We no longer assume that who we have been up to this point is the same as who we want to be for the future.

For those of us who have been “control freaks” in the past…we now feel the freedom to let some things slide so that we don’t miss out on what we really care about.  In our new, adult, complex life, it matters less to us that we are “in control” and more to us that we are responsible stewards of our decisions.  We want to live a life that counts toward things that really matter–not just checking boxes for a feeling of being in control.

For those of us that have been “flexible, ever-present, with nothing to do so I can be available for you” types, we reflect on the reality that without developing a core of our own priorities–of what really matters to us–our lives will come and go without leaving a mark.  We will look back on our lives with regret–having spent our lives living everyone else’s lives instead of our own.  We know that we were created to live our lives, not theirs.

So, how is it working for you?  This life and the way you are living it?  Did you identify with being either too controlling or too flexible?  Or both?  Did you identify with any of these feelings?

How are they working for you?  Do you think making some changes would be beneficial?

Do you feel that it is necessary to change how you do things or how you view yourself to make headway toward what you really want?

Please comment below!

 

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Christine M. Wilson, LPC

Co-Founder of Think Time

 

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We have a serious problem.  We are wasting valuable time.  We have developed an innovative system that helps you clarify your vision and move it into your life, so you live your life focused on what matters most.

 

Shop Purpose Planners now at think-time.com.

 

Blog Highlights:

“How is that working for me?  Today.”

“Now, being in control is not only ineffective, but it is isolating.  It is just not working anymore.”

Being flexible and easy going is just not working anymore.

When we #taketimetothinktime, we ask ourselves to think about our thinking.

What is working?  What isn’t?

Don’t judge your thoughts.  Notice them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Don’t Have Time for That

“I don’t have time for that.”

We all hear–and use–this phrase a lot these days.

The next time you catch yourself saying this, try to take some think-time to evaluate what you mean.

Sometimes, we don’t really want to do it, so it’s not something we will ever make time for.  This is okay.
Sometimes this phrase is our way of saying, “I would like to do that, but it’s not a priority for me at this time.”  This is great!  We have limited time and resources and can truly only do so many things.
At other times, however, we say this phrase when there is something that we really want, but we don’t believe we can have it.  In short, we use the phrase, “I don’t have time for that,” to shortcut our dreams and to soften the blow.
We really want something, but we don’t feel like we could have it because we don’t have time for it.
It is this third response that I’d like to discuss today.
In the process of Think Time, we look at those things that we really want and sometimes we ask ourselves, “Is there a way I can still have it – even if I don’t have the time?”
Perhaps there may be.
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Let’s say that you are a parent and see an Instagram photo of couple having an elaborate picnic with their kids in matching coordinating outfits at the botanical gardens and you find yourself secretly wanting that moment for your kids too.
You guys are in a busy season, and you feel like a picnic in a garden is the farthest thing from entering your reality.
But, it is a great desire–worth holding onto!  Connecting with your children, being in nature, creating memories together…these are wonderful desires.  But the coordinating outfits?  A bit far from your reality.
What if you kept the same heart and vision just reduced it a bit?
The main point is that you want to connect with your child and build a memory of feeling connected with you –preferably outside and preferably with something yummy to eat.
Would it be possible to grab some grapes from the fridge, snag a blanket, and ask your kids who have dirt under their fingernails and all over their clothes to pick out a favorite book each and meet you in the backyard?
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Seriously, if it helps, set a timer for five or 10 minutes and go have that moment.  It doesn’t have to be long.  It just has to BE.
Let’s look at another example.

Let’s say that you are a manager at work.  You are fresh back from a motivational conference that is a wee out of touch with the reality you live day by day.  They talked of team meetings, retreats, off-site lunches, and communication that was flawless.  They drew it on the whiteboards.  Arrows.  Formulas.  Strategy.

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It all worked.
At the retreat.
Now you are back in your real life.
You are drowning.
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You feel that if you take a lunch, you will be home late and not see your kids before they go to bed.  You can’t even imagine a retreat at this point.  The next deadline is in two weeks, and you want to deliver excellent results.  You want your team to have excellent communication, but everyone is head down, frantic to finish their work.
Is it possible to keep the vision of connection and communication, but reduce the scope to fit your team’s season?
What if you caught a walk with one of your team members to the Keurig and grabbed a one-minute chat? Ask a simple open ended question like, “How’s it going?” or “Need anything?”
It’s not a one hour meeting scheduled on the books with an agenda, flow chart, and white board.  BUT, it is moving toward your vision.
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You are closer to having a better connected and communicating team.
Your team members know that you care and are available.
Goal achieved.
So next time you hear yourself saying the phrase, “I don’t have time for that” just give it a little think-time and ask yourself if there’s a way to reduce it and move it into your life and, if so, #goforit!

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Christine Wilson, LPC
Think Time Co-Founder
Blog Highlights:
We have limited time and resources and can truly only do so many things.
We use the phrase, “I don’t have time for that,” to shortcut our dreams and to soften the blow.
We really want something, but we don’t feel like we could have it because we don’t have time for it.
Is there a way I can still have what I want – even if I don’t have the time?
What if you kept the same heart and vision just reduced it a bit?
Go have that moment!
Move toward your vision.
Ask yourself if there’s a way to move a goal into your life by reducing it.
Reduce the vision to fit your life, and go for it!
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We have a serious problem.  We are wasting valuable time.  We have created an innovative process that helps people clarify their vision and move it into their lives so they can live their lives focused on what matters most.
Shop Purpose Planners and more at think-time.com.